my resistance seems so thin

I have nothing to say that can describe Him. I could write down great words to make it seem as though I have a "special" understanding of His wonder. But they would be artificial and could never do justice to His glory.

I sit utterly confused by God. I have no idea what He has in mind for my life. I have no idea what doors will be opened for me. I have no idea what people will remain in my life and what people will enter through an exit door. I stand in complete uncertainty. But who am I to try and guess His will? How could I possibly think that I know what I'm doing? How could I think that I know what is best for my life? I don't. I don't at all.

All I can do is take my daily bread that He provides and let Him do the rest. My day does not have to consist of my feeble efforts to impress Him or my failed attempts to fulfill my preconceived notion of His "plan" for my life. It does not need to consist of anxiety. It does not need to consist of anything of my own.

"my yoke is easy and my burden is light..."

It's so refreshing to know that all I need to do is accept His fierce love and amazing grace day by day by day. And then I can just be. I can be like a child. My life will not be a constant struggle to do the right thing or meet the right people or put myself in the "right" situations. Instead, I can simply live my day in His love. No matter how much I fight it, no matter how many times I fall down, no matter how many times I ignore it, it will always be there. HE will always be here.

This is not to say that I should not fulfill my responsibilities. It does not mean that I can sit around in the grass, all the time, basking in His glory. I must "go." I must go, remembering the promise that He is in control of everything, no matter what I do. The situation in which I've been placed, is indeed the same situation of which God is completely aware. He is not surprised. Can I rest in the fact that He is in complete control, with or without me, regardless of what I do? After all, God does not NEED me for anything.

But He desperately seeks after my love...How beautiful life would be if I were devoted to Him always. How peaceful. To trust in the perfect direction of His will that I would never be able to understand? I wish I didn't like to fight it so much. It only leads to anxiety because I find out that I am not capable of living this thing on my own. But I do. I fight. And I lose when I try stuff on my own. Is it really all that puzzling that I always seem to come crawling back? I can't resist...

My resistance seems so thin whenever I'm reminded of His promise to hold me, each and every day.

Rich Mullins must have fought too. And he, too, seemed to have been reminded that the Father's love and His grace are difficult to resist, even when we fight with all of our might.

"Sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
when the mountains look so big
and my faith just seems so small...

...and I wake up in the night and feel the dark
it's so hot inside my soul I swear
there must be blisters on my heart...

So hold me Jesus 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
won't You be my Prince of peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
then to take what You give that I need
and I've beat my head against so many walls
I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
and Your grace rings out so deep
it makes my resistance seem so thin"

-"Hold Me Jesus" by Rich Mullins-

He promises to give us our daily bread. Day by day He will sustain us. That promise alone is why I cannot resist living for Him. Even though I'll push Him away, He won't budge. I'll run the other way, beating my head against walls, falling down. I'll be reduced to a crawl. And then I'll come crawling back, bruised, but more wise. And He will embrace me. I will come back broken, weak, in need of my faithful, loving, gracious Father...like a child. And He will embrace me, reminding me that I was always His. He will always embrace me...

What a relieving promise.

Have a great night guys
-Dave