off the cliff

To round out my previous post, here's a summary of what happened to me yesterday with regards to the "interesting stuff" that was supposedly going to single-handedly change my life...

...courtesy of Don Chaffer from the song "lonely sometimes"

"...I probably got to needing everything
And needing it today
That’s probably why I play this lonely role
But I know I know I know I just need You..."

I was so excited because I felt like I was gonna be able to find some answers. I was ready for doors to open up all at once. I wanted every door to open yesterday. I was looking forward to everything finally being made clear to me so that I could pursue a calling without a doubt. I wanted to have the road map...

wow i'm stupid.

When I think of what it has been like to try to rely on God, thus far, I'm not sure I've found a carefully constructed plan that I can see or understand. Instead, the image that always seems to come to mind is me--walking to the edge of a cliff, turning around so that I can't see what is below me, and simply leaning back. Stuff rarely happens when I expect it to and even less when I want it to. I got to needing everything yesterday and it was quite humbling when i realized how dumb that was.

Trust...

He promises to take care of me. He knows what's best for me. If I lean back, am I really gonna be able to be the one that controls what happens to me once I'm off the cliff--- away from what's comfortable? I'm not so sure I would be able to work well in such unfamiliar territory.

I need Him to take control...

When I asked God to guide me in my search for a career, I was essentially giving up control. I leaned back. I think I was reminded that for me to attempt to take control now is quite dumb. I'm already off the cliff, plummeting to...somewhere. It's just a matter of how I choose to fall. So far, I've seen three different ways that I've gone about this whole "falling" thing at different times: 1) I choose to enjoy the ride, in the meantime, with all of its breathtaking views...being content and rejoicing in knowing that His purpose is HUGE and perfect. 2) I spend the trip, impatiently staring straight down into oblivion, getting more and more frustrated that I can't see His hand reaching out to catch me. 3) or I spend the whole time freaking out, wishing I had control. I get scared. I end up losing trust. I start staring straight down into oblivion, just waiting for something to go wrong, like, say...a pit of spikes (like in mortal kombat) to impale me.

Reading these back to myself, it's not hard to see that choices 2 and 3 = lose.

Sadly, I must admit that I probably do much more of the latter two than of the first...

A most excellent friend punted this verse smack--dab into the middle of my face. It hurt...but it hurt oh so good.

Habakkuk 2:3~But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.
NLT



This whole patience thing is pretty tough right now. It's pretty uncomfortable to sit around and not know what's going on. I guess I'm being reminded that I don't have to worry, "it will surely take place..." ...and it will be on his clock...not mine.



have a good one guys
-dave